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Bryce Mitchell: MMA Fighter, Flat Earth Scholar, and Hitler’s New Fishing Buddy

  • Writer: Master Lee
    Master Lee
  • Feb 5
  • 3 min read

Welcome, dear readers, to another edition of “Celebrity Takes That Made Me Question Gravity (Which Bryce Mitchell Also Denies).” Today, we’re diving into the mind of UFC featherweight Bryce Mitchell—a man who’s decided that punching people in the face isn’t enough; he must also punch historical facts, basic physics, and common decency straight into the sun (which, let’s be real, he probably thinks is a spotlight on God’s Hollywood set).  

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Full Interview on PBD Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaqu_IB-ODo


### Chapter 1: “The Earth is Flat… and So Are Bryce’s Brain Waves”  

Let’s start with Bryce’s groundbreaking scientific contributions. While most of us use Google Maps to avoid getting lost, Mitchell uses it to confirm his theory that Earth is as flat as his understanding of geopolitics. Forget Newton’s laws—Bryce is out here denying gravity like it’s a takedown attempt. Who needs “evidence” when you’ve got a hunch and a YouTube algorithm that rewards conspiracy theories? .  

But wait! There’s more. Bryce isn’t just a part-time flat-earther; he’s also a homeschooling advocate. Why? To protect his son from the horrors of… checks notes… Edgar Allan Poe. Because nothing says “parental love” like shielding your kid from poetry and basic human empathy .  

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### Chapter 2: “Hitler: Just a Meth-Free Fishing Enthusiast™️”  

Now, onto Bryce’s latest podcast venture, ArkanSanity (a title so ironic it could power a small country). In Episode 1, our hero decided to reboot Hitler’s image as a chill, pre-meth angler buddy. According to Mitchell, Hitler was just a misunderstood patriot who “wanted to purify Germany” by exterminating Jews and burning history books (because nothing unites a nation like genocide and literary arson) .  

When co-host Roli Delgado dared to mention the minor inconvenience of concentration camps, Bryce hit back with his signature move: Holocaust denial! “Six million bodies? Impossible!” he declared, proving that his “research” consists entirely of TikTok deep dives and ignoring every history textbook ever printed .  

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### Chapter 3: Dana White’s “This Is Fine” Moment  

UFC boss Dana White, never one to mince words, called Mitchell’s rant “the dumbest, most ignorant s***” he’s ever heard—a high bar in a sport where people get paid to slap each other. White’s solution? Let Bryce keep fighting so fans can watch him “get his ass whooped on global television” . Priorities!  

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### Chapter 4: The Apology Tour™️ (Spoiler: It’s Weak)  

After backlash, Bryce posted a half-hearted Instagram apology: “I’m sorry I sounded insensitive… Hitler did evil things, I guess.” He then clarified he’s “definitely not a Nazi,” just a guy who thinks Nazis had some reasonable goals, like ethnic cleansing and global domination . Classic mix-up!  

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### Conclusion: A Call to Action (For Bryce’s Internet History)  

In closing, let’s applaud Bryce Mitchell for reminding us that MMA stands for “Misinformed, Misguided, and Astonishingly tone-deaf.” If you’re ever feeling unqualified for life, remember: Bryce once drilled through his own scrotum and still thinks Hitler is the guy making bad decisions .  

Final Thought: Maybe Bryce should stick to jiu-jitsu and leave the “research” to people who’ve heard of Wikipedia. Or, better yet, a library.  

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Want more absurdity? Check out Bryce’s next podcast episode: “Why Moon Landings Are Fake and Stalin Was a Great Babysitter.”

 

 
 
 

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