Why Do Fighting Game Movies Suck Harder Than a Noob Spamming Hadoukens?

Let’s be real: Hollywood’s track record with video game movies is worse than my attempt to land a 10-hit combo in Tekken. But fighting game adaptations? Oh, they’re a special breed of terrible. They’re the cinematic equivalent of getting hit by a bicycle kick in slow motion—painful, confusing, and you’re not sure why it’s still happening. Let’s break down why these films flop harder than Ryu’s bank account.

1. The Plot Thinner Than Sub-Zero’s Moral Code

Fighting games are about two things: punching people and pretending there’s a reason to punch people. The “story” is usually scribbled on a napkin by a dev who just mainlined six Red Bulls. “Uh… ancient gods! Rival siblings! A TOURNAMENT… but EVIL!”

So when Hollywood tries to stretch this into a 2-hour movie, writers panic. The script becomes a Mad Libs of clichés: “Our hero (insert name here) must (verb) the (adjective) McGuffin to save (noun) from (villain with daddy issues).” Spoiler alert: It ends with a rooftop fight. Always a rooftop.

2. Too Many Characters, Not Enough Personality

Fighting game rosters are like clown cars: 30+ characters pop out, each with the depth of a puddle. Movies cram in everyone’s “favorites” (read: whoever tested well with focus groups), so you get a parade of randos doing cool kicks… and zero backstory.

“Here’s Scorpion! He’s… uh… angry. And here’s Jax! He has metal arms. Why? Shut up, that’s why.” By the time the third ninja teleports in, you’re just rooting for the meteor in Armageddon to hurry up and end this.

3. Action Scenes That Overstay Their Welcome (Like Your Uncle at Thanksgiving)

Yes, we get it: fighting games are about FIGHTING. But watching two hours of dudes backflipping into uppercuts is like eating a cake made entirely of frosting. Fun for five minutes, then you’re in a coma.

Movies forget that even Rocky had a training montage and a crying Adrian. Where’s the emotional stake? Why should we care if Johnny Cage wins? IS HE EVEN PAYING CHILD SUPPORT?!

The Jean Claude Van Damme masterpiece, Street Fighter LOL

4. The Curse of the 90s: A Legacy of Cringe

Let’s pour one out for the 1990s, when studios thought video game movies should star Jean-Claude Van Damme and have dialogue written by a Speak & Spell. Street Fighter: The Movie gave us Raul Julia chewing scenery like it owed him money (RIP legend), but it also gave us this gem:

“For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me… it was Tuesday.”

Iconic? Yes. Good? No. It set the bar so low, Satan uses it as a limbo stick.

Tension mounts as two legendary fighters prepare to face off in an epic confrontation.

5. Budgets Smaller Than Chun-Li’s Patience for Your Jokes

Fighting games have fire-breathing dinosaurs, cyborgs, and gods who fight in speedos. Movies have… CGI that looks like it was rendered on a Tamagotchi. When your villain’s “super move” resembles a PowerPoint transition, maybe don’t charge $15 for tickets.

6. “Fan Service” That’s Just Trauma with Extra Steps

Films try to please gamers by shoehorning in Easter eggs, like Scorpion yelling “GET OVER HERE!” while dramatically removing his sunglasses. But fans rage if the lore’s wrong (*“UM, AKSHUALLY, M. BISON IS CALLED VEGA IN JAPAN!”*), while normies are left Googling “Why is that man’s hat on fire?”

E. Honda fights some dude wearing spandex in a sumo bath house for some reason

7. The Tournament Arc From Hell

Every fighting game movie is required by law to have a tournament where fighters from “around the world” gather (read: five guys from a parking lot). But tournaments are BORING in movies unless someone’s betting their soul or a kidnapped daughter is involved. Otherwise, it’s just The Hunger Games with worse outfits and more unnecessary spin kicks.

The Silver Lining (Because I’m Contractually Obligated to Be Nice)

Look, Mortal Kombat (2021) gave us a guy named “Kabal” and a protagonist named “Cole Young” (who? EXACTLY). But it also gave us Kano stealing scenes like a raccoon in a jewelry store. Progress!

Maybe one day we’ll get a Tekken movie that’s not a crime against cinema. Until then, rewatch Enter the Dragon and pray to the Elder Gods.

Bruce Lee ready to kick some ass in "Enter the Dragon"

Final Verdict: Fighting game movies are like a 1-star Yelp review: you hate it, but you can’t look away. Now excuse me while I rewatch Mortal Kombat: Annihilation for “research.” (Send help.)

---

Got a fighting game movie hot take? Slide into my DMs or yell it into the void. I’ll be here, maining Eddy Gordo and regretting life choices.